College Football, Week Five

Why do we hate schools/players just because they are good?  Obviously we hate Ohio State because the state is flat, environmentally unimaginative, they have horrible drivers, America’s worst cities, and obnoxious fans, but why do we hate USC, PSU, and Tim Tebow?  Well personally I don’t hate any of those, but for the majority of people it is a combination of the fact that they are really good and that the media is mindlessly obsessed with them.  That’s why people were jumping for joy when Tebow got knocked into the next millennium.  It might even explain why after that hit, my buddy sarcastically quipped “The real losers here are the little children in South America that still need foreskin clipped”, but honestly that’s just inappropriate (yet I peed my pants when I heard that).  I guess the relativity of humor just Depends . . . I am sooo pun-ny.

Random observation: If you’re on the right hash and kicking a field goal, and the FG goes straight ahead, thus missing right, why do we say the kicker “pushed it”?  Shouldn’t the ball actually have to go to the right to be considered a push?  Should Michael Wilbon be involved to consider it a push?  Do I sound like that soccer mom in the stands who asks annoying questions right now?

Marshall’s Inferiority complex:  I am relatively new to the idea that Marshall has fans.  It’s a part of living in Charleston I guess.  Honestly I do not wish ill on Marshall, and hope they win their games outside of losing to us, yet I glean slight humor out of their losses.  However, what perplexes me is the intense little man complex they possess.  They hate WVU with an unrealistic passion, yet they refuse to talk smack on WVU outside of Huntington (which is because they have very little to say).  What the hell is up with that???  I will gladly remind an Ohio state fan that their mascot, the Fighting Poisonous Nuts, wouldn’t strike fear into the heart of Snuffaluffagus.  I will always remind them that their CAPS was accidentally selected when they typed “THE Ohio State” (does the entire state have keyboard malfunctions?), and I take great pride in enlightening them to the fact that their beloved ‘Dotted I’ is a simply a lesson in cursive, which most of us learned in second grade.  Herd Nation, I am calling you out and let me incite some more, I was at your homecoming last year and quite frankly, Davis & Elkins would be embarrassed by that.

Clemson.  I cannot believe it is week 5 and I haven’t called out Clemson yet.  I hate calling out coaches this early in their career, but Yaba Dabo Do Swinney has not looked great so far.  Clemson looks like the same old story: great talent, great games, shameful losses.  Sorry Karissa, but football, the bugs in your apartment, and life are all tough.  Really, as a whole, the ACC is dreadfully bad.

Trainer’s Tailgating Corner

We hope everyone’s week off from the Blue Lot proved to be successful.  Your endurance (drinking endurance, of course) will be put to the test on Thursday night!  As being proud Moutaineers, we think that it is only fit that our signature move should be the Mountain Climber.  This will be a nice warm-up to improve blood flow through the liver – yet another way to enhance your drinking endurance.

              None of us can possibly forget the ultimate 80’s dance move called “The Running Man,” but the year 2009 shall be the year of “The Drinking Man.”  For this exercise, a full beer is required!  Stand with your feet shoulder width apart with your beer in your right hand.  As you raise your left knee like you are marching, turn your torso to the left.  Then, take a drink.  As you return to starting position, switch your beer to your left hand.  Repeat to the right.  This will not only engage core muscles to aid in alcohol digestion, but also improve skills needed to pass a field sobriety balance test!  [Editor’s note: We do expect everyone to break out “The Running Man” after “The Drinking Man”!!]

              Finally, some of us may have to go to work in the morning.  Rehydration is the key!  After extensive research, we were able to find a scientific study performed at Granada University proving the beer is a superior choice for hydration.  The beer had a slightly better effect on hydrating people than water.  The carbonation helped quench thirst, while the glucose in the beer would help retain liquid in the body to rehydrate the body quicker.  It only seems like a natural conclusion that we should all skip the water and crack open a long neck on Friday morning.

              One personal side note: Due to Nikki “Stretching Ain’t Easy” Sabatina’s amazing Photo Shop skills, she was able to change the date of an old wedding invitation to get excused from mandatory medical school lectures on Friday.  As long as she doesn’t get called into the dean’s office between now and Thursday, she will be making a guest appearance!  Mountaineer football, drinking, and Blue Lot calisthenics takes priority over medical school!  See you then!

Has anyone else given thought to getting a personalized fat head?  Man it would be cocky to get a fat head of yourself, but how cool would that be??? I think a picture of me in Mutts, Dublin, or maybe a controversial pose at a tailgate would be my selection.  Either that or Frank Beamer punching Vince Wilfork in the head with a burning couch in the back ground, that was pretty funny . . . or any drunken picture of my former Intern; everyone who knows who I am talking about is currently laughing, sorry Mark but you are a funny F*@&.

    * I have been asked to pass on a couple tidbits: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irUyj0FcrA8.  There has been a movement to revive this old Mountaineer chant.  Please review and pass on.
    * A gold rush has also been requested for Thursday's Colorado game.  Please come supporting your Mountaineers in your favorite Gold Bob Huggins suit.

Now that y’all are more intelligified by reading my rambles, I hope you take these EFA lessons and find a way to apply them in your own lives.  Try throwing a buckeye through an Ohio State fan’s window, or when you get bored of ESPN’s prediction that a Tebow-less world will kill us all, try reading this fabulous website TeamMVPTailgatesHere.  I will be driving across the country next week, which may result in a shortened email (not like this Michener novel), but I will try to apply my own morals to my life as well.  I plan on stopping in South Bend on my way back from Oregon and mooning Touchdown Jesus (if you are offended by that, lets realize that it is a capitalistic mockery, not a relic).  Anyway, let’s let Tim Tebow puking on the sidelines remind us all that life is short, live it, tailgate it, and talk a little smack along the way.

See ya later,



Al

Marshall's Philantrhopy Picks Week 2

Week 1 of Philanthropy Picks 3-9

Well folks if there is one thing we can all agree on it's that week one of my picks was an unmitigated disaster. Perhaps it was the company I kept as Al and I drank beer in his apartment all day. The only thing more pathetic than my gambling results was my drinking performance. I was pacing nicely at roughly 3 beers an hour for the first 3 hour stretch until we ate dinner, whereupon I gorged myself on pizza and wings like a refugee that just got his hands on some UN donated grain. As a result I was bloated and unable to drink more than a couple beers the rest of the night. It was a truly sad state of affairs.

Anyway back to the football.......

The muddy slop in Blacksburg played right into Tech's running game while limiting Miami's speed, Notre and Kansas were covering but gave up the cover late , Oregon St choked as well and Clemson shouldn't let anyone touch Howard's Rock on the way into the stadium this week.  Enough with the excuses. Let's look at the card the gambling gods have given us this week and find some winners.

I normally bet the same amount every game that I play so I'm taking out my level of confidence factor because let's face it, after last week I'm a bit shaken. I have also scaled back to a more reasonable 9 plays this week. In no particular order, I give you what I will term, Bounce Back Saturday.

WVU -17.5 Quite simply the Mountaineers could probably turn the ball over 6 times in this one and still come close to covering. While CU has two quality running backs, the Mountaineer D is geared to stop the run and Cody Hawkins hasn't looked near accurate enough through three games to take advantage of West Virginia's weak pass defense. On the other side of the ball the Buffaloes simply won't be able to stop our high powered offense and assuming we don't stop ourselves, I like this to be a great showcase for us Thursday night beating an overmatched team on national TV. I look for a 49-10 type of game.

Washington +13.5 I have recovered from my delusional state last week in which I actually wagered on the Irish. I will now return to fading them. It feels good doesn't it? The Huskies are a decent team and getting way too many points in this one. What you have to ask yourself is, is Washington any worse than Michigan State or Purdue? I don't think so. In fact I think they are better than those two teams. If Michigan St got 10 and covered easily and a pathetic Purdue squad covered 7, I definetely like the Huskies to cover this number, and maybe even pull out a stright up win.

ECU -2.5 Please. Are the books just giving away money here? I know this has been a competetive series of late and I know Marshall is 3-1 with the nation's leading rusher in Darius Marshall but let's not get carried away. ECU has a putrid pass defense but Marshall's Brian Anderson won't be able to exploit that. I like ECU to win by 10.

Miami +7 Yes I have a permanent hard on for the Canes but 7 points without Sam Bradford is a lot and just because the U had one awful game doesn't mean all is lost. It will be Bounce Back Saturday for the Canes as well as I look for them to win straight up.

Michigan +2.5 I know it's a rivalry game but the wrong team is favored here. Any faith I had in Mich St died when they cost me cash at Camp Randell last week. Even when they have played poorly, Michigan is finding ways to win. Look for that to repeat itself Saturday.

UGA -3 I've been to a lot of college football venues and you'd be hard pressed to come up with a better atmosphere than between the hedges at Samford Stadium. Joe Cox is coming into his own and while LSU avoided disatster last week in Starkville for one of my few covers, there just seems to be something not right about the Bayou Bengals this year. While I'd like for them to be undefeated heading into their game with UF next week, I just don't see them getting out of Athens unscathed.

Auburn +2.5 Again the wrong team is favored. The Tigers offense is incredible and while they may have a weak defense how the hell is jonathan crompton going to exploit that. If UCLA can come in and beat the Vols, and Ohio U can nearly do the same, I see no reason why Auburn can't stay unbeaten as the surprise team of the SEC.

Cuse +7 The fact that this spread is so low tells us either the books still don't respect USF or that they really think Syracuse is a lot better. I tend to agree that the Orange are better. Oh and did I mention the calendar is about to turn to October, something that generally spells season's end for the Bulls. Add in a huge letdown spot after the Bulls emotional win at FSU and you have the makings of a huge upset in the Carrier Dome.

Louisville +7 I think the Cards can hang around Fri night and if it's close it will be fun to see which coach fucks it up for his team more.

Best of Luck to All!

The West Virginia Mountaineers Kindly Request A "Gold Rush"

"The WVU-Colorado football game on Thursday, October 1, is a 'Gold Rush'. Fans are encouraged to wear gold for the nationally-televised matchup with the Buffaloes."

Going to the West Virginia-Colorado game Thursday night? Well, you are in luck! You'll have a great seat for the Buffalo Beat-down, with this extra-added bonus: all in attendance will don their finest yellow jerseys and pants (including our student athletes on the field). The occasion? A team-requested "Gold Rush." There's nothing quite like a sea of yellow-clad rednecks, singing country roads, and witnessing the destruction of the Dan Hawkins Era in Boulder.

For those of us watching at home in stunning high-definition quality, please do not adjust the contrast on your television sets, our uniforms really do look like this.

Speaking of those watching at home, I'll be chasing my Prozac with Maker's Mark while locked in my apartment in isolation. Can I get a "The-Ref-Beats-His-Wife-Chant" in my absence? I didn't think so. Now, on to my picks of the week:

East Carolina (-2.5) at MARSHALL
Toledo (-5.0) at BALL STATE
STANFORD (-5.5) vs U.Cal.L.A.
Penn State (-7.0) at a very bad ILLINOIS
ARKANSAS (-2.0) vs Texas A&M

"Road Dogg" of the Week:
Louisiana State (+3.0) at GEORGIA

...and, although I should know better...

WVU (-17.5) vs Colorado

...Lord help my liver if they don't...



Twitter: twitter.com/ultimatemale66
Facebook: Facebook Page

This is starting to look a lot like the 2007 season when everyone and their mother lost. Seriously Mother Theresa even lost to SDSU that year. Four weeks in, we have already had ten top 10 teams lose in the following order:

1. Oklahoma
2. Virginia Tech
3. Oklahoma State
4. Ohio State
5. USC
6. BYU
7. Mississippi
8. Miami
9. Cal
10. Penn State

Inevitably we will have more fallen soldiers as we move into conference play. Tebow's injury certainly will play a factor here, and regardless they play LSU in two weeks after LSU goes to Athens this Saturday. Doesn't take Will Hunting to figure out that you will get at least one more loss there. Ohio State and USC are hardly invoking confidence that they will finish out the season undefeated and with TCU, Houston, and Iowa all knocking on the door, we could have a considerable amount of attrition left. Cincinnati just crept into to the top ten as well with a showdown versus South Florida looming in the near future. Bettors beware . . .

That is not from the flu folks. Looks like Tebow may be missing some time after the smackdown the received Friday night. Florida has a bye week to recover, but with an away game lurking at LSU, Florida could be setup to be the next top ten team to stumble.

What a banner day for the Big East . . . Until Pitt had to go F’it up for everyone. Completely typical for Walt Harris errr I mean Dave Wannstedt. How the hell do you blow a 31-17 lead late in the third against a mediocre NCST team? Seriously, you are the epitome of a program stuck in mediocrity. I always root for the BE first and foremost, but I did feel a bit of vindication watching guys like Cameron Saddler lose after completely disrecting WVU on their official visits to Morgantown; they can go down in Oakland hell for all I care.

Ok, sense that’s off my chest, Cincy racked up another great win today by winning versus Fresno State. Make no bones about it, FSU is a great team and I am not the least bit surprised that they put up some points in this one. It is telling that on Gameday, they referenced Cincy as going 9-0 going into the WV game. That showdown should be a classic. It looks like for the time being that Cincinnati is more likely to be a rival than Louisville ever will be. Also, how great did USF look in Tallahassee only one week after their four year starting quarterback went down with an ACL tear. That game truly proves how weak the ACC is and how good USF is before they take their normal November nose dive. A tid bit worried about that game. The ‘Cuse also pulled out a win vs the Maine Bears, after sweating it awhile. A win is a win for them.

-The Drunken Blogger

College Football, Week Four

Dear EFA's,

Why does it seem that our worst losses are always followed by a bye week?  I suppose this is good for the team to regroup, but for the fans, it means we have to stew over this for a week and a half before we get to see the Mountaineers take the field again.  However; I do not understand the backlash on the coaching staff and the play calling.  I thought our offensive play calling was exciting, not to mention the 509 yards it generated.  Its amusing to hear people complain about passing too much, after spending years hearing the same people yelling at he who shall not be named to ditch the spread option.  Ironically, this game feels a lot like the loss against Louisville in 2006.  Both instances involved a high scoring shootout in which WVU looked like the better team, but inevitably faltered on turnovers . . . remember, Super Steve turned the ball over on running plays?  Alas, while disappointed I am also excited.  This team looks very talented and the future looks bright, but after a rain soaked loss, Mountaineer Nation has another week to feel like the Soggy Bottom Boys, pun intended.

Heisman Outlook:

This year was supposed to be all about Tebow/McCoy/Bradford followed by Jahvid Best and maybe Max Hall.  That hasn't quite worked, with only Best consistently putting up big numbers.  Bradford got hurt, McCoy and Tebow have been OK, but haven't had defining games, and Hall hasn't really been explosive, even before they blew their BCS busting status against FSU.  Although from day one, all we have heard about is the mission trips and great off-season endeavors of these candidates, so lets break down Heisman Mission Trophy:

Colt McCoy:  During Colt's spare time, he loves to visit Children's hospitals.  This summer he took that a step further as he helped under-privileged kids in the Amazon.  He also recently found a cure for the H1N1 virus.

Max Hall:  He is Mormon, so he has to be a saint right?  Well unfortunately there are very few details about his LDS mission that he ended abruptly a few years back, so we have nothing to go on here.  Although, according to the rumor mill, Max has been teaming up with the Ad Council to remind all senior citizens that they should have Life Alert.  A noble deed sir.

Tim Tebow:  The ESPN/Hallmark pundits have barraged America with the uber-feel-good stories surrounding Tebow.  Tim Tebow has done proudly, used his fame as a religious podium, stating that college football is the perfect platform for reaching out to the masses.  He has taken numerous mission trips to the Philippines, Bosnia, and Germany.  He has also famously sported the John 3:16 eye black strips, and according to recent reports, has cured cancer.  The Downfall, Kenny Mayne got Tebow to admitting to running a meth lab in his ESPN Mag interview.  I will give him credit where credit is due, he did beat Ohio State, which correct me if I am wrong, was prophesied in Deuteronomy.

Jarrett Brown:  Brown has mostly flown under the radar here, but his work in the animal kingdom should not go unnoticed.  Brown's love of animals began as a youngster when he sailed around the world with his grandfather to the Galapagos Islands.  It was there that his passion for near extinct animals was born.  For the last two summers, Brown has been volunteering his time with the North Eastern Ural Mountain Animal Shelter for Spotted Snow Leopards Foundation to help spread awareness of the nearly extinct species.  In the last year, with Brown's help, the NEUMASSSL has managed to release eight new couples into the wild.  In addition to this great deed, Jarrett spent his spring break helping to lift the spirits of Filipino prisoners through the art of dance.  Winner winner chicken dinner?  I think so.

Next, I would like to introduce a new segment to the weekly email.  This weekly segment will be coauthored by two of WVU's most distinguished alumni who have volunteered their time to enlighten the EFA audience on key tailgating techniques.  Our authors are fellow graduates of the WVU School of Physical Education Athletic Training program, and are each working on their masters.  They are 100% Tailgate Tested, Tailgate Approved . . . without further ado, I give to you Erica "Flexibility Isn't Free" Freeman and Nikki "Stretching Ain't Easy" Sabatina.


Trainer’s Tailgating Corner

You may have seen us hydrating athletes on the field or freshmen in the bars, but now we have graduated and have decided to extend our many talented skills and services to drinking in the Blue Lot and keeping our friends in true Mountaineer form.  After all, we are a drinking team with a football problem!

Let us introduce ourselves – Erica Freeman and Nikki Sabatina.

For those of you who are still drowning your sorrows in beers over last week’s loss, let us remind you that we have a bye week this week.  However, as our team continues to train, we must not lose our tailgating alcohol tolerance.  This week’s calisthenics focuses on upper body endurance to keep us in shape for a full day of 12 oz curls for next Thursday night.  Your assignment for this week is circuit training to increase your drinking endurance – night games only mean a marathon on consumption.  Your circuit of exercises will include:

• push ups with a 30 pack on your back (you may need a fellow Mountaineer to assist you),
• Keg stands are preferred as they work your upper body and liver, but shot gunning a beer will suffice if you don’t have a keg available,
• and a game of flip cup to improve fine motor skills, agility, tactile senses, and chug-ability.

Repeat these three until the ground is spinning or until you pass out.

Safety first for these exercises.  We don’t want any pulled livers before the big game, so always use a spotter.  Remember, a spotter is not only someone who gets the next round at the bar, but is also your real vision when your beer goggles have led you that 5’0” 350 pound lady at the end of the bar with a mustache.

Until next week, we will leave on a high note of inspiration:

“Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.” – Homer Simpson

Closing Notes

• Many props to the Auburn fans that derived a marvelous drinking game, see attached photo
• Ohio State, Notre Dame, and Michigan all still suck
• If the NEUMASSSL Foundation doesn't exist, it should.
• For an update on the Auburn game, Vegas lines of the week, and my feelings on the Bud Light Grooler, please check out The TeamMVPTailgatesHere Blog

Sit back on the couch with your TV schedule, enjoy the games, and until next time, keep it real EFAs


Love Always and Affectionately,


Al

Marshall's Philanthropy Picks

Join me the next few months as I try to build my bankroll and yours. There is nothing quite like making some cash off the efforts and hard work of others, namely "student" athletes. I basically sit around drinking beer every Saturday and at the end of the day I have usually made money (or at least not lost too much..lol).

I offer my wisdom or perhaps lack thereof in order of confidence. Keep in mind I might have gotten a few numbers better than what's available now because I normally lock in my plays on favorites (which most of these are) on Mon or Tues night.

I have 12 small plays, from which, most people should be able to find a few that they like for their parlay cards, online wagers, or bookie bets.

Not to toot my own horn, (ok so I am tooting my own horn) but as Al can attest I did in fact make these picks yesterday so I'm off to a 1-0 start after South Carolina exposed Ole Miss as the grossly overrated team that they are. Without further ado, settle into your comfy recliner, get as many TVs going at once as you can, crack open a cold one and let's enjoy a profitable Saturday.

1.) Miami -2.5 Simply put the U is back. No way Tech can muster the offense to stay with these guys. I'd play it up to -6.5. On the road at Lane Stadium....blah blah blah. Nebraska should have won there, Miami will, and handily.

2.) Oregon St -1.5 Corvallis is tough and whatever progress Mike Stoops has made has been slow and arduous. Seems too easy but I'll bite.

3.) PSU -9.5 Bear in mind Iowa could win by 28 and that wouldn't come close to justifying Ferentz's mind blowing salary. (Not to get on a rant here but this guy makes 3 million bucks a year, is mentioned for every college and NFL opening and for what? The guy has one Big Ten title, got slaughtered in the Orange Bowl, goes to the Capitol One bowl in a great year and 5-7 in a bad one while running an offense so boring I'd rather watch paint dry. I'd love to have this guy's agent negotiate my next job salary.) Sure Iowa has looked better the last 2 weeks after the abomination that was the last second win against Northern Iowa and true PSU has yet to cover this year. What better time to start than in a revenge spot in Happy Valley at night against an Iowa offense so bland it makes the 1940's army teams look innovative.

4.) Clemson -2.5 If you're like me you'll look for any reason to fade the always arrogant Gary Patterson and his horned frogs. Look no further here. Clemson is efficient on offense and save for the first half at GT has looked solid defensively.

5.) Michigan -20.5 I know most of you hate Rich but this isn't personal it's business. He ain't changin so he might as well make us money. That he will when he unleashes his young talent against an IU squad that has to be one of the worst undefeated teams through 3 weeks of the season of all time.

6.) Miss St +12.5 I'm not much of a trends and stats guy. I'm a feel bettor. However even I can't ignore that LSU is 7-20-1 against the number in their last 28 SEC road games.

7.) Kansas -13.5 Perhaps this isn't as strong a KU team of 2 years ago but they are close. Southern Miss is normally pesky and they are 3-0 but if the Sewell kid and the shitty UVA offense can score 34 in Hattiesburg what's Todd Reesing going to do with receivers running free in the secondary all day? Cover the spread that's what.

8.) GT -2.5 Not much analysis here. Short favorite at home, I love option football and UNC hasn't yet found competent receivers to replace Nix

9.) Auburn -32.5 This really should be higher up the confidence list but laying this number is rarely a confident proposition. Ball St is pathetic, Auburn will score as many as they want to.

10.) South Carolina +4 This is a fade of Ole Miss. I love the ole ball coach. I love Houston Nutt too but Colonel Reb won't sneak up on people this yr. When people are gunning for you in the SEC you had better be really good. Ole Miss isn't. This is a final possession type of game.

11.) ND -7 You can count the times I have backed the Irish on one hand, however after seeing Purdue lose to Northern Illinois and as efficient as Clausen has been, I like ND to roll.

12.) Mich St +3 I hate this play and am pissed at myself already for taking it. This is the type of boring Big Ten shit fest in the Noon slot that either makes you want to accelerate your drinking pace or head back to bed. Two teams that run run run and run some more. I'll take a stab at the team catching points.

I will be posting the weekend's picks on Thursday afternoon from now on.

Best of luck to all!

Trainer’s Tailgating Corner

You may have seen us hydrating athletes on the field or freshmen in the bars, but now we have graduated and have decided to extend our many talented skills and services to drinking in the Blue Lot and keeping our friends in true Mountaineer form. After all, we are a drinking team with a football problem!

Let us introduce ourselves – Erica Freeman and Nikki Sabatina.

For those of you who are still drowning your sorrows in beers over last week’s loss, let us remind you that we have a bye week this week. However, as our team continues to train, we must not lose our tailgating alcohol tolerance. This week’s calisthenics focuses on upper body endurance to keep us in shape for a full day of 12 oz curls for next Thursday night. Your assignment for this week is circuit training to increase your drinking endurance – night games only mean a marathon on consumption. Your circuit of exercises will include:

-push ups with a 30 pack on your back (you may need a fellow Mountaineer to assist you),

-Keg stands are preferred as they work your upper body and liver, but shot gunning a beer will suffice if you don’t have a keg available,

-and a game of flip cup to improve fine motor skills, agility, tactile senses, and chug-ability.

Repeat these three until the ground is spinning or until you pass out.

Safety first for these exercises. We don’t want any pulled livers before the big game, so always use a spotter. Remember, a spotter is not only someone who gets the next round at the bar, but is also your real vision when your beer goggles have led you that 5’0” 350 pound lady at the end of the bar with a mustache.

Until next week, we will leave on a high note of inspiration:

“Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.” – Homer Simpson

This is just a great commercial. Actually the whole damn series is funny. The best part is that it is about three years running and still funny. The new Bobby Bowden grill is perfect and even tailgating at a WVU game, I would still rather have the Bowden grill than the Grooler, because it's simply hilarious. I will need to as our resident tailgating trainers, if it is tailgate approved . . . update soon.

Picks I'd take in Vegas . . . and Lose

I was terrible picking against the line last week. By the time the Mountaineers had given up their fourth turnover and everything had gone completely to shit, my parlay card had long gone to the wayside. Matter of fact it had already reverted to its infant state as a glob of pulp, thanks to the monsoon de la Alabama. Saving grace? I was great in straight up picks, going 8-10 on ESPN's college pickem, with my only two blemishes being my least confident games.

This week I plan to stick to one card, perhaps even just a three team parlay. Here's who I tentatively like:

Wake -2 at BC . . . TCU + 2.5 at Clemson . . . Rutgers -2.5 at Maryland (did ralphie really lose to MTSU again???) . . . Boise -16.5 at BG after those a**holes lost to Marshall . . . and unfortunately I think Pitt is a steal at +1 at NCST.

I'd stay away from the FSU, Washington, and Bama games as potential let down games. I think the line of the week could be Miami -2 at Va Tech in a revived matchup between two teams that generally have great teams and those of you who like Over/Unders . . . How about 59 for the Cincy v Fresno St game; That could be one hell of a shootout.

The Grooler

We have all seen the Bud Light Grooler, the Tailgate tested, Tailgate approved cooler, by now. While pretty damn funny at first, it took less time for tailgaters to question the durability of the Grooler than it did to question the physical fitness of Charlie Weiss. I mean seriously, one good fart might blow that thing away.

However, I do like the spirit of the new campaign and the new Foozie which is the traditional foam hand, that doubles as koozie is sheer brilliance. I highly suggest visiting tailgateapproved.com for a few minutes of chuckles. After that, go to yuengling.com to actually buy some gear from America's oldest brewery.

If you have ever been to the Team MVP tailgate, you know the Grooler's physical integrity would last just slightly longer than Tila Tequilla's virginity.

Auburn - WVU

From Team MVP Tailgates Here">

I am now 4-4 in my Mountaineer road career and currently 0 for my last three with three heartbreakers of ECU, Pitt, and Auburn in order. Of all three Auburn was by far the most fun. Great tailgating and great people, but they really could've turned off the Monsoon effects.

Once again, the offense really looked great and in all honestly I think that the 'Eers were clearly the better team, but you simply cannot have 6 turnovers and expect to win anywhere, especially on the road, alas, as Genghis Khan once said, "It is what it is", we lost. I am still excited about the year and think we are setting up for a massive showdown with Cincinnati which is fortunately is on a Friday night; fortunate because I wont be able to go to the game and screw us out of winning.

P.S. if Khan didn't say that, he should have.

Miami Swagger

Reporting live from Gatlinburg TN, half way to Auburn . Miami looks to be wearing Old Spice again as their D shut down the power option attack of Ga Te h. Harris looks like a star but more importamtly for shannon, the line is finally blocking better than Casper. However, where exactly is the swagger outside of a bunch of trash talking and band geeks throwing up the U? I thought the crowd looked great until i realized the orange seats were dolphin colored empty seats. While Miami,s talent may come and go, one thing remains the same; south florida fans suck and so do Miami. Go back to the Orange Bowl.

The weekly email

Dear EFAs,

Welcome to week three of the college football season and the much-anticipated Auburn game. Let’s get to my much-anticipated ramblings . . . (remember if you wish to opt out, just go ahead and try).

The Recap:

Most of you can rest well this week as WVU showcased their talent in a 15-point win vs. ECU. Jarret Brown looked explosive on offense and the defense looked stout, giving up only 20 points despite the awful field position and turnovers it had to deal with. However, they will need to shore up the penalties and turnover issues if they expect to survive a Saturday night showcase in Auburn. Marshall fans, you might want to schedule more 1 AA schools in the future after you just got beat down by a bunch of castrated turkeys (a.k.a. Hokies). Question, does it ever get old watching OSU lose on prime time TV?

Most West Virginians are upset about Dick Rod winning this weekend, but there is no use in crying over it folks, Rich has done plenty of that himself. Besides, I am still waiting for Weis' mental breakdown on national TV. We are now one more step to realizing my dream. I am pretty sure he'll blame his weight issues on Bill Belichick forcing him into Spygate and sleepless nights.

Charlie is not the only one crying after that tough loss though; Mike Gundy blew a potential top five ranking by losing to Houston, Lane Kiffin got beat down at home, all of Ohio's children are tearing up after blowing that fourth quarter lead, RRod watched When Harry met Sally, U-Conn lost on a safety in the fourth quarter, and Al Groh is likely to be fired by the time I stop watching Family Guy. However, nothing compares to how my buddy Adam felt when he entered his living room the morning after me and Aaron had been out drinking and eating Rusted Musket . . . I wasn't a pretty situation. If he didn't tear up, then he is a stronger man than I thought.

This Weekend:

College football's drama story of the offseason is finally here as Lane Kiffin and Urban Meyer finally faceoff after Kiffin accused Meyer of cheating on the recruiting trail (which is like the Oregon Trail with less dysentery). Kiffin's numerous offseason exploits were likely an act of Emo teenager rebellion as he had just split up with his dad, Al Davis. Don't worry though, the fact that Al Davis looks a lot like Darth Vader these days leads me to believe they will make up someday, but not after losing an arm or two. Anyways, the point is Meyer/Florida is pissed off and instead this pre-game handshake crap that started this year (First suggested by RRod and Martha Stewart), the scene should look a lot more like the West Side Story. Here’s hoping for a good fight.

There are plenty of other television matchups to keep our couch contingency glued to the TV Saturday. As a matter of fact, there are eight games on simultaneously at 3:30. The two underrated games I would keep an eye on are FSU at BYU and Cincy at Oregon St. Cincy's offense vs. Jacquizz Rodgers should be a treat. Check it all out in the spreadsheet.

Tailgating Trainers Corner:

This week I am pleased to introduce a new segment to the CF email. This weekly section will be co-authored by two of WVU's finest Athletic Training alumni. Each week they will use their expertise to enlighten us all on how to properly tailgate in a safe manner. Without further ado, I proudly introduce . . .

Final Notes:

Anyone else like the new DirecTV commercials with Tom Arnold? I think the whole Half Way House idea is pretty funny, how about one for Joe Paterno and his on-field digestive problems?

There are no new calisthenics for road games, but that does not mean you should not stretch before games folks! Things like this happen when you don’t. I'll be scouring Auburn tailgates for new ideas.

Please tune in next week as we unveil a new and exciting section to the email. I know you will all be on the edge of your seat.

For a full Big East recap and a look into this week's lines, take a look at TeamMVPTailgatesHere.blogspot.com.

Enjoy as always

Big Al

College Football Week Three

Dear EFAs,

Welcome to week three of the college football season and the much-anticipated Auburn game.  Let’s get to my much-anticipated ramblings . . . (remember if you wish to opt out, just go ahead and try).

The Recap:

Most of you can rest well this week as WVU showcased their talent in a 15-point win vs. ECU.  Jarret Brown looked explosive on offense and the defense looked stout, giving up only 20 points despite the awful field position and turnovers it had to deal with.  However, they will need to shore up the penalties and turnover issues if they expect to survive a Saturday night showcase in Auburn.  Marshall fans, you might want to schedule more 1 AA schools in the future after you just got beat down by a bunch of castrated turkeys (a.k.a. Hokies).  Question, does it ever get old watching OSU lose on prime time TV?

Most West Virginians are upset about Dick Rod winning this weekend, but there is no use in crying over it folks, Rich has done plenty of that himself.  Besides, I am still waiting for Weis' mental breakdown on national TV.  We are now one more step to realizing my dream.  I am pretty sure he'll blame his weight issues on Bill Belichick forcing him into Spygate and sleepless nights.

Charlie is not the only one crying after that tough loss though; Mike Gundy blew a potential top five ranking by losing to Houston, Lane Kiffin got beat down at home, all of Ohio's children are tearing up after blowing that fourth quarter lead, RRod watched When Harry met Sally, U-Conn lost on a safety in the fourth quarter, and Al Groh is likely to be fired by the time I stop watching Family Guy.  However, nothing compares to how my buddy Adam felt when he entered his living room the morning after me and Aaron had been out drinking and eating Rusted Musket . . . I wasn't a pretty situation.  If he didn't tear up, then he is a stronger man than I thought.

This Weekend:

College football's drama story of the offseason is finally here as Lane Kiffin and Urban Meyer finally faceoff after Kiffin accused Meyer of cheating on the recruiting trail (which is like the Oregon Trail with less dysentery).  Kiffin's numerous offseason exploits were likely an act of Emo teenager rebellion as he had just split up with his dad, Al Davis.  Don't worry though, the fact that Al Davis looks a lot like Darth Vader these days leads me to believe they will make up someday, but not after losing an arm or two.  Anyways, the point is Meyer/Florida is pissed off and instead this pre-game handshake crap that started this year (First suggested by RRod and Martha Stewart), the scene should look a lot more like the West Side Story.  Here’s hoping for a good fight.

There are plenty of other television matchups to keep our couch contingency glued to the TV Saturday.  As a matter of fact, there are eight games on simultaneously at 3:30.  The two underrated games I would keep an eye on are FSU at BYU and Cincy at Oregon St.  Cincy's offense vs. Jacquizz Rodgers should be a treat.  Check it all out in the spreadsheet.


Tailgating Trainers Corner:

This week I am pleased to introduce a new segment to the CF email.  This weekly section will be co-authored by two of WVU's finest Athletic Training alumni.  Each week they will use their expertise to enlighten us all on how to properly tailgate in a safe manner.  Without further ado, I proudly introduce . . .

Final Notes:

Anyone else like the new DirecTV commercials with Tom Arnold?  I think the whole Half Way House idea is pretty funny, how about one for Joe Paterno and his on-field digestive problems?

There are no new calisthenics for road games, but that does not mean you should not stretch before games folks!  Things like this happen when you don’t.  I'll be scouring Auburn tailgates for new ideas.

Please tune in next week as we unveil a new and exciting section to the email.  I know you will all be on the edge of your seat.

Enjoy as always,

Big Al

Predictions that are sure to be wrong.

Alright so as I am in two pick 'em leagues, one against the spread and one straight up I have come to find that I like most people are horrible at picking against the lines (my record entering the third week stands at 17-23).  With that being said here are some picks that I like this week:

• Virginia Tech giving the Huskers 3.5 in Blacksburgh.
• Cincinnatti is giving up 0.5 to Oregon State on the road.
• Texas spotting Mike "The Love Guru" Leach and his Red Raiders 17.5. (I have a feeling Texas is bitter from last year)
• I also like UCLA giving K-State 11.5 seeing that K-State has only scored in two quarters this year.
•  Here are some picks that I like but I would not bet on; Buffalo to cover at Central Florida, Syracuse to not only cover but to beat Northwestern, and ECU to cover against UNC.

So now that you have your winners on your parlay card here are some things you should do with your winnings:

• Buy yourself and your friends some Carb Bombs at your local watering hole.
• Make it rain.
  
• Buy a good Halloween costume.
• Get a hold of a good book and a scented candle (I prefer vanilla).
• Save it and wait for my picks next week and double up.

A Spoonful of Poop in a Barrel Full of Honey OR Something Stinks In Columbus

As you may or may not have heard, all is not well in Buckeye Land. The fact that THE Ohio State Buckeyes dropped another "big game" isn't really the task at hand, but let's begin with some fun facts about the self-proclaimed "best damn football team in the land":

• Saturday's loss to USC makes them O-fer in their last 6 games versus top-5 opponents,
  
• Incidentally, OSU's last "Dubya" against a top-5 team was the much-hyped "Game of the Century" in November 2006,
  
• That win, over the #2 Michigan Wolverines, propelled the #1 Buckeyes into the BCS Championship Game,
  
• A week prior, that same Michigan team was dominated by USC in the Rose Bowl Game,
• OSU they promptly dropped the National Title Game/Debacle to Chris Leak's Florida Gators 41-14 (way back when Lord Tebow was just a Lil' Disciple),
• These events led to whispers around the country about college football's worst-kept secret: the Big Eleven might just be overrated.
  

The real problem in Columbus is that Senator Sweatervest (I cannot claim ownership for this nickname, thanks instead to Chris Brown at Rivals.com) is losing the support of the delusional, nut-loving fan-base of Ohio faster than you can say "is there a job opening in South Bend?" Turn on Sports Talk Radio in Columbus for about 10 minutes any afternoon and you'll hear the rants and raves of media mavens on the brink of washing their cyanide capsules down with a refreshing hemlock-iced tea.

In this well-written piece by the aforementioned Chris Brown, it is pretty obvious to see that Coach Tressel is being exposed as a terrible Xs-and-Os tactician. This fact is only intensifying the effect of some less-than-brilliant remarks made by The Vest in his weekly presser Tuesday afternoon. Please, allow me to quote:

"...honestly, the thing when I read some of [the e-mails sent by fans] is I feel terrible for them because there's no way they're happy. They've got to be some of the most unhappy people in the world, and I feel bad because we just made them less happy, and I hate to be a part of making someone less happy. I mean, they're already miserable and to make them less happy, I'd feel bad..."

Not a smart thing to say for a coach who's chair is getting warm at a school that has a recent history of firing coaches who allegedly "can't win the big one." Even Rick Pitino wouldn't have said something this arrogant and, well, stupid.

So rejoice Mountaineers. Our head coach, whose coaching skills would never be confused with those of tactical strategists like Steve Spurrier, Mike Leach, or Rich Rodriguez, would never throw our players, beat writers, or fans under the proverbial bus. Tressel now joins Spurrier, Leach, Rodriguez, and most of the SEC, as a diva head coach with an ego bigger than the town they coach in; a T.O. with a clipboard, if you will.

Stay tuned college football fans, things could get very interesting in Columbus this fall...



Deconstructing: The grisly demise of 'Tressel Ball' [Rivals.com]
Ohio State football: Jim Tressel on some fans who feel "miserable" and bouncing back from USC [Cleveland.com]
Rick Pitino's defiantly weird press conference [Rivals.com]



Twitter: twitter.com/ultimatemale66
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Weekly Lines

Starting off the week, Thursday and Friday night's games look very entincing. Miami is giving 4 at home coming off their offensive explosion at FSU. However that win is not looking nearly as impressive after FSU struggled against Jacksonville St. Fresno is certainly not a bad team especially at home, but with Boise giving up just a TD to anyone right now looks pretty good.

Navy getting 7 at Pitt, Clemson getting 7 at home, 'Cuse getting 3, UNC giving ECU 7.5, Oregon giving 4 to Utah, ND giving MSU 10 are my intriguing picks. I will likely be taking BYU giving Bobby Bowden 7.5, Cincy in a pick em at Oregon St, and MSU. Michigan St. has an impressive streak going at Notre Dame, but really I just like watching Weiss lose. Cincinnatti's offense vs. Jacquizz Rodgers is a terrific matchup.

Another good game is Tech giving Nebraska 4.5. Good luck all, I know I don't have it.

Big East Recap

League leader Cincy catapulted up 17th in the rankings this weekend after blasting SE Missouri St, who previously had never played college football before. League cellar dweller Rutgers, also beat up on a nobody in Howard. However; Cincy will partake in one of the leagues two marquee match ups next week when they travel to Corvallis to take on Oregon St. RU will continue their pathetic schedule taking on FIU.

Syracuse had another moral victory by covering the 28 pt spread in Happy Valley. They clearly are still a ways off, but making a step in the right direction.

Uconn suffered a disheartening loss at home. Carrying a 10-0 lead into the fourth, the Huskies eventually lost on a last minute safety. It seems that Randy Edsall's squad continues to to sport decent talent and competes with everyone on their schedule, but just cannot get over the proverbial hump.

The biggest win of the week was West Virginia's 15 point victory over ECU gleaning revenge from Skip Holtz's Pirates. WVU still has issues with the kicking game and is committing 9 penalties per game, but Jarrett Brown and the rest of WVU's offense appears to be catching up with their stout defense. West Virginia has the opportunity to secure the leagues marquee victory this Saturday night at Auburn.

Boardshorts Vs. Sweater Vest

So as the wanna-be 29 yr old surfer rolls into the land of sweater-vests and picnics this weekend ESPN is wetting itself in excitement.  As we all know myself and the co-authors of this prestigious blog are not exactly "fans" of  THE ohio state university, if everything would go to plan Barkley would torch OSU's secondary for about 400 yards and OSU wouldn't score a point.  The actual game aside there is another battle raging between Terrelle Pryor or TP and USC running back Stafon Johnson as to who can make their head coach shake their head the most.  As we know after last week TP had some intelligent things to say after their big win over Navy: "Everybody kills people, murders people."  I haven't done my research but I don't believe that this is actually a fact, I'm not sure what classes hes enrolled in, but I'm guessing that the public speaking COMM class was full.  Once Stafon heard this he wasn't going down without a fight stating that "They're [OSU] going to go balls out."  That's right, balls out; USC's public speaking classes were full as well.  Its only week two and we have some great quotes so far.  I'm just waiting for someone to use the term WFO in a statement, that would be great.  Hope to see everyone at the tailgate going WFO.

NFL Overtime Rules

There are a lot of great NFL endings, Immaculate Reception, Joe Namath in the Super Bowl, Jim Mora yelling at people; but please, tell me a great NFL ending in overtime?? I can't think of one. Oh but any NFL fan or broadcaster will proudly boast about how you have to man up if you lose the coin toss, less overtimes prevents injuries, and hey an occasionally tie isn't too bad.

REALLY? Which one of those scenarios is cool? How many countless college games, or games in any other college OR professional sport can you point to that went into overtime or extra innings, that are considered and instant classic? If you have ever watched a 2-5 overtime game in college and not sat on the edge of your seat, you have no passion for sports. How about the Bulls/Celtics this year? Syracuse/Uconn in the the Big East Tourney? WVU vs Louisville in '05? Kansas vs Memphis in the bball championship game??? I may hate the Red Sox, but lets reminisce on the two extra innings games they played in their seven game set against the Yanks on the way to their first WS since 1918? One of the best series in my memory.We are talking about games that were talked about in the national media for weeks, and these are in the past couple years, and I am sure I am missing quite a few.

Common themes here? No ties, no worries about how the game is extending too long . . . it damn ends when it ends, and certainly by no means is a coin toss going to significantly impact the outcome. Before you get into a controlling your own destiny hoopla, remember that 2/3 of the time, the team that wins the coin toss wins the overtime and as Nick Bakay would say, the numbers never lie.

I am sorry NFL homers, the NFL overtime rules are crap, and I bet Chad Ocho Cinco would agree.

Sate of the Big East

Each week we would like to provide a Big East recap. We'll try to update it earlier than this (like maybe before the next weekend begins?).

Thank god that Cincy beat Rutgers . . . not because I wanted them to, but I proclaimed for weeks that Rutgers was overrated and would lose. I would not have been able to show my face at any BE tailgate if Rutgers won. Simply put, Cincy looked great and Rutgers looked awful; Savage looked promising, but seriously, a freshman QB with a pornstar name? Not a good combo.

WVU, UCONN, PITT, and USF all played either MAC or IAA teams so we cannot glean much from that crew. RE: WVU vs ECU, UCONN vs UNC to see much more about these two teams, but we will need to wait a bit longer on the other two.

Syracuse looked significantly improved even in a home loss to a mediocre Minnesota team. Showing signs of life when you previously looked like Strom Thurmond isn't excatly hard though. Keep it to two TDs against PSU this weekend, and I will be thourghly impresssed.

Louisville . . . sucks.

Adding onto Ad's post below . . . how much fun is it watching Paul Johnson's Triple Option excel n major college football? When Nebraska and Syracuse fired Frank Solich and Paul Pasqualoni respecively, it appeared that are of the triple option died. Sure the current spread option craze illustrates portions of the near extinct art, but in large part the triple option was compeletly gone outside of Paul Johnson's offense. However, coaching at Navy, Johsnon was a mere afterthought. The Middies were occassionally a thorn in the side of major programs, but never quite "relevant". After an impressive first year at Georgia Tech, and jumping out to a huge early lead over Clemson (that is dwindling by the minute), it appears that there is still a home old school football.

-ADS

Make it a triple.....option for Ga Tech.

So I'm trying to figure out how to stop the triple option on NCAA '10 and it appears to be "unstoppable" unless you use the punt block D inside the 5.  Anyway, I'm sure D coordinators around the NCAA are just as confused at some point.  Take your pick as to who you want to focus on, your options would be:  A) Josh Nesbitt  B) Jonathan "Diesel"  Dwyer or C) Embry Peeples (the names alone are enough to mess with your head). This is a backfield with serious talent kind of reminds me of the 2005-06 Mountaineers with White, Slaton and Schmitt except Dwyer who would play the role of Schmitt has the speed to go along with the power (although hes def not as cool as Owen and he prob can't punt).  I dont know how good thier D is but as long as you have 11 guys on the field in the ACC the other teams O will keep you in the game.  Ok thats enough love for Ga Tech I don't want anyone to think that I'm pro ACC I love watching them lose to such formidable opponets as Richmond and William and Mary. 

Ok here is my YouTube Clip of the Day:  Enjoy!

Lines of the Week

Well my big miss this past week was the Wake Forest line at -3.  Baylor certainly is going to be pain for a few of those top dogs in the big 12.  The candy of the week was Cincy and BYU.  How enticing is BYU getting 22 sound now?

This week's lines to watch:

Syracuse +28 at Penn St., certainly tougher matchup than the Gophers, but there may be a renewed spark up north.  Iowa -6.5 at their rivals Iowa St. after needed to block two late kicks to survive the mighty Northern Iowa.  ND -3 vs Rich Rod, who's hot start do you really believe in?  TCU -11 at UVA, coming off an embarrassing loss to William & Mary, will Al Groh dip into his magic bag against the Horned Frogs?  Likely the most action will be on the hyped USC matchup in Columbus with the Trojans at -6.5.  Lot has been made of the two young quarterbacks and we do not want to read too much into the hot start for USC and vice versa for OSU, but it is looking good for Pete Carrolls bunch again.

Brett Favre Brett Favre, Bradford's Shoulder, ND vs Michigan

ESPN now has three topics to talk about over and over: Sam Bradford's shoulder the ND/Michigan game and the never ending Brett Favre updates. So now that we know Sam Bradford isn't having surgery and will be re-evaluated in two weeks we get the pleasure of reading that in the ticker until he is re-evaluated......awesome. As far as Brett Favre goes ESPN reported today that he had what appeared to be milk for breakfast and possibly toast....interesting. Onto the ND/UM game, unlike last year these two teams don't appear to completely suck, which is kind of a bummer really. I must say that both teams looked pretty sharp in their opening weeks but when you get as much practice as UM you should. If all goes to plan we can have a repeat of last year and one of the coaches will get taken out by a rogue player or better yet a ref. This could end up being a good game but I don't know who I want to loose: watching ND loose is awesome especially since I have some co-workers who are ND fans, but who really wants to see Rich Rod win. Even though I'll be partying in the blue lot I'm sure I'll get to see the whole game as they show the "highlights" (incomplete passes and 1 yard runs included) on ESPN late sat night.

FSU updated

Likely one of the best games of the weekend, Miami rallies late for the lead and stuff FSU in the red zone at the end of the game. Not quite the same ole scenario, but after a few clutch field goals, FSU misses the XP on their last TD which forced them into a td scenario instead of being able to tie the game in the waning seconds.

Somewhere Janikowski is chasing a car bomb with a Jager bomb.

Does Pryor Know What He's Saying?

Ohio State quarterback, Terrelle Pryor, had eye black strips displaying "Mika" and "Vick" during this week's debacle against the Navy Midshipmen. Although Mika referred to his sister, he admitted Vick was a reference to embattled Michael Vick. While this has become a popular debate as to whether to like or dislike Vick these days, Pryor takes it to new heights by saying "everybody kills people" and more!!

I imagine the sweater vest is feeling a bit hot tonight.

Thug U vs FSU

Uncommon to recent contests between these two bitter rivals, This game has actually involved some offense, and a FG!!!! It has been 100% pretty, but at 31-31 in the fourth quarter, this has been one of the best contests in recent memory.

Weekend of Mayhem

As we followed in the likes of most IA programs of playing a IAA program this weekend, we really dont know Sh@* about the Mountaineers. However, we do know the Blue Lot is up and well. It was a great weekend of visiting with everyone and making questionable decisions.

On the topic of Bear Claws: You want no part of that shit Dewey. Trust me, you made sound BA taking them, but just gets you too drunk. Really need a pick me up, maybe, but too much alcohol too quickly otherwise (esp. in tailgate mode when you have been at it for 14 hrs already). For those who do not know, a Car Bomb followed by a Jager Bomb. In the words of Samuel L., It will get you drunk!