6:28 – Michael Wilbon picks WVU “big” over a “terrible Colorado team. It’s an hour before kickoff and I’m already nervous. Chris Fowler picked us on the Cowherd show saying, “no one has stopped that WVU offense this season and they would have rolled Auburn if they hadn’t self-destructed with 6 turnovers on The Plains. The fans in Morgantown have all day to get ‘lubed up’ for these night games and if the Mountaineers score quick a couple times early, this place [Mountaineer Field] will be rocking.” This preceded Mike Ricordati and Scott Torgerson (a.k.a. “Common Man and The Torg”) picking WVU to annihilate Colorado. All that’s missing is a stroll through Gethsemane and a Lou Holtz Buffalo Pep Talk.
6:29 – I open beer #1. I realize that have not “started in the morning.”
6:47 – LPGA golf coverage on Sportscenter.
6:48 – I open beer #2. This is NOT a coincidence.
6:57 – Erin Andrews states that the big key for WVU is “don’t turn the ball over.” Thanks for that newsflash hot stuff. You do better work with your clothes off. Also, keys for the Buffs: “don’t give up the big play,” “run to the ball” and simply “tackle.” The Dan Hawkins Era is really turning things around in Boulder.
A side note: in the background, you can overhear the PA announcer at Mountaineer Field trying to “instruct” fans on the Let’s Goooooooooooo… Mountaineeeeeeeeeeeeers! cheer. Andrews takes it upon herself to not only comment on this, but she and Dari Nowkhah make an indictment on the intelligence of Mountaineer fans.
#1: Is it necessary for the PA Announcer to instruct us on this? Haven’t we all been doing this since, like, age 5?
#2: Must we still take jab at West Virginia in the national media? I guess things won’t change until we see espnmorgantown.com become a reality. Shame…
7:26 – Argument AGAINST a Playoff System in college football: we hear so much about “let them settle it on the field,” but really… in this week’s USA Today Poll, Iowa is ranked #17, Penn State #13… didn’t we JUST SETTLE THIS ON THE FIELD? This might be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen, and I’m not talking about Iowa being ranked #17, I think that is pretty accurate, but have we not established by now that Penn State, who lost IN Happy Valley, is NOT THAT GOOD? What do you retarded voters need to understand this?
7:32 – Chris Fowler says the Mountaineers feel like they should be undefeated and still are the team to beat in the Big East. Jesse Palmer and Craig James agree… they think. Oh well, I’ll take these three clowns over Mark Jones and Bob Davie.
7:34 – The wisdom of “Sweet” Lou Holtz rears its ugly head for the first time tonight, this oughta be good…
7:43 – Bill Stewart has a sweater vest!? Holy Cow! That smirk on his face makes me think he’s seen that video of her… ah, maybe not…
7:46 – KICK IT OUT OF BOUNDS! Okay boys good coverage…
7:52 – Text message from my friend Chris the Buckeye Fan, “Bill Stewart with a sweater vest?” I knew this was coming almost 10 minutes ago. Julian Miller is on the ground in obvious pain and we’re breaking for an injury timeout commercial. If our suspect defensive front is going to do anything the remainder of this season, we cannot afford to lose this guy. He’s on his feet on the sidelines when we return from break.
7:56 – Wide left. That might be the spark in the powder keg or the Mountaineers’ Defense tonight.
7:57 – How do you overthrow that ball? Fuck! Missed a quick 7 points by a foot. Making that play would have blew the roof off Mountaineer Field.
7:58 – Nevermind.
This just in to ESPN… Noel Devine is F-A-S-T and its 7-0 in a hurry. 77 yards to paydirt on the 2nd play offense play of the game. Our offense looks to be picking up where they left off before the brain farts on The Plains. It appears that the only team in America that can stop this West Virginia Offense is… the West Virginia Offense.
8:07 – Our defense does not look good thus far tonight. 7-7 after a rushing TD by Colorado. Officials are reviewing something, but not sure what.
8:14 – 3-and-out for the Mountaineers and an opportunity for the Buffaloes to really put WVU in a spot.
But that will be a little difficult after a phenomenal punt by Scott Kozlowski.
8:16 – Should have been a touchdown on the deep pass to Simas. Alligator-armed and it goes of the fingertips. Keith Tandy continues to rise up my shit list as this season wears on.
8:19 – Can we talk for a moment about ball security?
Dear Jarrett Brown,
You CANNOT hold the football like it is a loaf of bread.
Sincerely,
Aaron
How do you fumble the ball by carrying it so carelessly? This coaching staff is mind-numbing sometimes. BALL SECURITY!
8:23 – Aric Goodman’s FG is wide left again, this time off the post. For once this decade we are getting a few breaks off opponent miscues.
8:25 – Long run by Brown while I scream “TUCK THE BALL!” and simultaneously experience heart palpitations and light-headedness. My neighbor bangs on the wall between our apartments…
8:28 – BALL SECURITY! FUCK!
Another Mountaineer turnover on the Starks fumble. Please excuse me while I leave my computer to gouge my eyes out with a shrimp fork. Seriously, I think I’m going to vomit.
8:39 – A Papa John’s commercial where a group of 14 year old girls are going crazy for pizza is on. When did Papa John Schneider turn into Beatlemania?
8:40 – Text message from my Dad, says we need to get the ball to Jock Sanders.
8:45 – BALL SECURITY!!! FUCK!!!
Jock Sanders puts the ball on the turf. It is amazing that this is still a tie game. The Colorado Buffaloes are who we thought they were: a terrible football team. Its official: I am not going to have enough beer to finish this game. I may have to start drinking whiskey. I hope my Dad is happy though…
8:47 – What is ESPN/ABC’s obsession with the Dave Matthews Band this season? At first I thought, eh, its just to help them promote their new CD, but hell, they are playing Ants Marching during promos, which is circa 1997. What is the connection between Dave Matthews and College Football? I just don’t see it.
8:52 – Interception by JT Thomas and… SURPRISE! A WVU fumble. Is this a fucking joke?...
BALL SECURITY!!! FUCK!!!
9:02 – FG by Aric Goodman makes it 10-7 Buffaloes. This is unbelievably embarrassing. I’m glad this game isn’t on national TV…
…what? Oh fuck!
9:04 – Holding call on the kickoff return backs our offense up even more. Shot of Bill Stewart on the sidelines. He is still trying to figure out where the hell he is at. “Get off the lawn! Damn kids!”
9:05 – Devine bails out the Special Teams with a 56-yard scamper up the left side.
9:08 – Jock Sanders’ 6-yard TD makes it 14-10 with 1:21 left in the 1st half. WVU drive is 5 plays for 80 yards Maybe they should let my Dad coach.
9:10 – A long pass by Hawkins to McKnight leads the Buffs to a chance to score before the half on a VERY tired WVU defense. That is the problem when your scoring drives only last 2 minutes and 30 seconds.
9:15 – Bill Stewart screaming and yelling at Erin Andrews on the way to the locker room. If he takes a Viagra at halftime, she’d better watch herself when he comes back out of the locker room.
*** *** *** ***
So, after 30 minutes of football, here are my impressions. Going to the locker room up 14-10 to this terrible Colorado team should be an embarrassment. If I were a player on this team I’d be downright angry at our offensive execution, not “laughing and joking on the sidelines” as was reported earlier in the half by Andrews.
The Defense played terrible on the first 2 or 3 possessions of the first half, but have since stood up tough and tall. When your defense is on the field almost 19 minutes of the first half, they are going to give up some yardage. Four lost fumbles (3 by the offense) is unacceptable and as Coach Stew alluded to, “that’s not Mountaineer Football.”
The offense is having their way with the Colorado defense, as we’re on pace for over 500 total yards again. Only 82 yards through the air on 9 of 14 passing by Brown who has shown he’s not the least bit gun-shy after the interceptions at Auburn. Noel Devine is averaging a video-game-like 17.8 yards-per-carry (8-142-1) aided by runs of 77 and 56 yards.
Jock Sanders needs to play a larger role in this offense for the Mountaineers to continue to be successful in the Big East this season, and a few touches for Tavon Austin would also be a huge help.
Not much else to say on the offensive side of the ball, except for speculation, since the offense has only run 28 plays in the half (versus 46 for the Buffaloes).
Defense needs to continue to stand tall and get a little more pressure on the quarterback. A holding call on the Colorado right Tackle would help this, as he’s been guilty of “habeas grabis” on at least 4 occasions. Really, its BAD.
Go Mountaineers, and for the love of all that is Holy… HOLD TO THE BALL!
*** *** *** ***
9:35 – Here’s more Dave Matthews Band! Nothing makes me think of College Football quite like a little “Two Step”…
9:39 – Our first Ryan Clarke sighting on a one-handed catch for the first down.
9:39 – Beautiful run after catch by Bradley Starks to finish a 5-play, 75-yard TD drive. Plays like this highlight what makes the Mountaineer offense so good, they can make a guy miss and its daylight in a hurry.
9:47 – The “bend-don’t-break” defense is starting to get a little frustrating to watch. What would a high-octane offense like Cincinnati do to this defense?
9:54 – Let’s try something new on our kickoff returns. When our kick returner catches the ball, don’t run directly at the defenders. Oh nevermind, the block in the back would negate it anyways.
10:03 – 3rd and 22 for Colorado. Have you ever seen and team look so desperate and hopeless in a 4-point game? Interception by Sands at midfield. If we can hang a quick 7 here and force a, *gasp*, 3-and-out, -17.5 could still have a chance to be good.
10:06 – Jarrett Brown overthrows a wide-open Austin. I’m getting my wish to see him with some 2nd half touches. Brown follows that up with consecutive sacks/steaming piles of shitty decision-making to lose 28 yards. We’ll punt from inside our 10. Terrible.
The Boo Birds make their first appearance of the night as Colorado has a chance to actually take a lead in this game. Does Jarrett Brown remind you a little of Jamie Foxx in “Any Given Sunday” almost like if someone didn’t remind him to take his helmet onto the field, he might forget it. He plays incredibly lackadaisical football.
10:21 – The Pistol Formation makes an appearance this evening. Devine and Brown make this formation look almost unfair it works so well. It’s hard to question the offensive play-calling in any way tonight, but it would be nice to see this formation a few more times a night.
10:23 – It seems like every time Ryan Clarke motions right from TE to FB, we’re going to give to Devine on a handoff a run directly behind him. Can please diversify this a little bit? If I am starting to queue on things like this, after sitting on my couch drinking beer for 4 hours, defensive coordinators who breakdown film certainly will.
10:24 – Craig James and Jesse Palmer slam Devine, who, in their “expert opinion” have no chance at success at the next level. They may be right, he just doesn’t have the NFL body to be an every down back, but I think there’s a place on someone’s roster for a guy with his moves.
10:25 – Ryan Clarke slams in for a 2-year TD to cap a 14-play, 69-yard drive. Well done Mountaineer offense, I’m amazed that you managed not to fumble that many plays in a row.
10:29 – More ugly special teams by the Mountaineers, and the Buffs will start on their own 39.
10:32 – Glover misses a 2nd pick by a fingernail. The noose is tightening on Colorado right now.
10:37 – Outstanding job by the Mountaineer Defense of standing up when it counts most. Ovid Goulbourne picked the perfect time to pick up the first Mountaneer sack of the evening, which should take them out of any conceivable field goal position.
10:38 – I stand corrected. Dan Hawkins, the tricky devil, is going to try the 57-yard FG. Wide left, and not sure if it would have even had the leg.
10:40 – After a missed Goodman FG from somewhere near Osage, Mountaineer fans finally have some breathing room. nd Noel Devine has set a new personal best for rushing yards in a game with 207 yards on 21 carries.
10:41 – Noel Devine exits for what looks to be the game. Just checked the stat sheet and he finished with 220 yards on 22 carries. Wow, finally it looks like Devine has broken loose on a national stage.
10:43 – Ah yes, I forgot who we were watching here… BALL SECURITY!!! FUCK!!!
10:46 – Thank you Bill Stewart, punting the ball away will not help you cover. 7 points will. The betting interests of TeamMVPTailgatesHere desperately needs a turnover here. Can anyone say pick six?
10:49 – Pat Miller, squeeze the ball son. There was your chance at a pick six and a cover folks. Forget it.
10:50 – 4th and 2… Hawkins’ pass to Geer is broken up by Reed Williams, who has played an unbelievably gutsy, and over-shadowed game tonight. This game is over, but with 2:47, can we punch it in? I’m sure Al and the rest of his EFAs are thinking the same thing.
10:51 – Ryan Clarke seals the deal on a 2-play 15-yard drive with an 8 yard TD run to give the Mountaineers a 17 point lead with the PAT to come
10:52 – The PAT by Tyler Bitancurt makes the dreams of EFAs everywhere come true capping an 18-point Mountaineer victory, and a presumed cover, barring a total natural disaster by Cody Hawkins and the rest of the Knot Hole Gang.
But let us thank the man who has contributed most to this achievement, CU Kicker Aric Goodman and his 3 missed FGs! Congratulations!
10:56 – Is Colorado trying to get the ball down the field and score here? I don’t believe this…
10:59 – With :03 seconds left to play, Hawkins completes a pass to Markques Simas in the end zone to crush the our dreams. DAMN YOU DAN HAWKINS! Pardon me while I drink my hemlock iced-tea.
11:02 – Colorado nearly recovers the meaningless onside kick, which fully enrages me.
11:03 – Jarrett Brown finally takes the knee to end this debacle.
11:07 – Coach Stew gives another great on-field interview to Erin Andrews. Blaine Stewart gets to be on TV meet Erin Andrews ("I am NEVER going to wash this hand!")
I can’t lie. This game was not a pleasure cruise to watch. This football team has a long time to come this year, but I still believe we can be a major player in the Big East. Need to fix the mental lapses and hold on to the ball.
It was fun, maybe we’ll do this again?
Go Mountaineers!
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