Dear EFAs,
It is that time of year again; time to brush up on setting your email filters to properly ignore my weekly antagonizing rants on college football. As the college football season is ushered in on Thursday, so has come the time to for me to waste all of our invaluable time on the weekly college football email. What started as a simple spreadsheet, has blossomed into a full on tirade of short sighted, dim witted analysis and competitive banter. Now going into its fifth season with over 90 recipients and a blog, “The Email” has evolved with time and I will roll a few new items throughout the year as well, but first, as customary at the beginning of each year, we begin with the rules, for without rules we have email chaos.
Rules
1. The email is based upon my opinion and thus should be regarded with the utmost respect.
2. Ohio State, the buckeye nut, and the greater state of Ohio all suck. Each will be properly treated in the most inappropriate manner I can think of.
3. The Big Ten network will not be covered in the television schedule. The only way this will ever change is if they have the sole coverage of a WVU football game (or Syracuse, gotta stay true to my roots), which with expansion talk, who knows. If that were to happen, only the effected games aforementioned will be displayed. Therefore, Iowa vs Illinois coverage will not make the list and neither will Marshall vs Ohio State. Don’t like that? Make your own damn schedule.
4. I have a general distaste for Notre Dame. Not for their history or success, but due to the irrational love fest they receive as well as the fact that they are given unfair advantages in BCS play. A lot of people hate the Yankees and the Cowboys, but they have at least been relevant in the last twenty years and play under the same rules as my beloved, yet putrid Bills and Blue Jays.
5. While reading this email you should face towards Morgantown, close and reopen the monitor to your laptop five times, while muttering the lyrics to Country Roads. Ohm chants are optional. If viewing via a desktop monitor, turning off and on the screen five times is an acceptable resolution to not being able to shut the screen.
6. To the newcomers or to some of the readers who are starting to lose their memory, you may be wondering at this point how did I get on this email list? Why am I still reading? What is the meaning of life? Did I just soil myself? Well to answer your questions, 1 - you were either referred, you asked to be on, or the email selected you. 2 - I cannot help you with your problems. 3 – the meaning of life is 42. 4 – If your having Joe Pa type issues, I suggest checking here.
7. I do not write this crap to win a Pulitzer Prize, improve my writing or creative thought skills, or make the world a better place. With that said, if you feel the urge to point out spelling or grammatical errors, feel free to lump yourself with the items under Rule number two.
8. Remember, Reply Alls currently forwards your message to 94 people, including my momma (but she’s cool). Type wisely you crass keyboard ninjas.
9. Competitive banter is appreciated. Your beer spilling, livid tirades are not considered banter, but will likely cause some tailgate humor. This Michelob Ultra Pomegranate Raspberry beer is for you Huntington!
10. Times or channels are subject to change on the schedule. I attempt to publish this email by every Wednesday night or Thursday at the latest. Times should be solidified by Monday, but the ESPN family of networks has been known to switch around channels of their games pretty late in the week.
11. You don’t talk about the email. You read the email without shirts or shoes. The email goes as long as it has to.
12. It is permissible to hate the Hokies, but remember these poor things have been castrated; give them a beer if you see one.
13. A lot of people ask what an EFA is. Mr. Jay Stewart coined the term and I liked it, so it stuck. Email Followers of Al.
14. I cannot guarantee that all internet links are appropriate to watch at work or in front of your children. I will try to stray from anything that will give you a virus, but I cannot guarantee that you perform the act in the video that you will not get hurt or receive a virus. This link for example is not overly crude and simply shows an overzealous fan making a fool of himself, however; the humor may have to be explained to your young daughter if she is watching.
15. I would be remised if I did not at least give you the opportunity to opt out this email, especially with the consumer protection laws today. Please opt out here if need be and take a moment to provide feedback as to why you hate me.
16. I refuse to buy into the NCAA’s Bowl Subdivision crap. It is still 1-A and 1-AA in my world and I do not find that politically incorrect. Tidbit, did you know there is a 1-AAA? Knowledge is power.
17. Mutts Sunnyside is the official bar of this email.
18. I will enivitably forget to attach the schedule at least twice this year. A kind reminder will suffice, please no yelling. I cry easily.
19. Check the blog for more extensive content. We will have 4-6 writers providing weekly pieces there, so bookmark us and check it out daily. I recommend reading us whilst on the can.
Conference Talk
I would like to talk briefly about the conference realignment. Personally I am a Big East fan. I hate getting dissed on constantly, but I like who we play and wish teams like BC and Tech would come back, so I am glad the league has survived so far. If Rutgers wants to leave, it certainly would hurt the television market, but screw ‘em. What the hell have they ever won? A conference championship? Nope. If Pitt and Syracuse leave, I think this league is a joke and under that scenario, while hating to see the dismantling of the league, I think we should leave. In all likelihood, if the Big Ten expands further it will create a Domino effect, and I don’t mean that delicious delivery option, that ends up pushing the ACC and SEC to grow as well. I would imagine we would end up in the ACC, but personally I would love to be in the SEC. Would we struggle? Sure, but it would be fun. I think that we could compete on the level of an Arkansas, who is usually decent and seriously contends to win the league a couple times a decade. That may seem like small pickings to some, but winning that league likely puts you in the national championship and the week in week out rivalries would be amazing.
Picks
This year we will be rolling out a new section on the blog where four of us will do a small pick em. Each week, the four of us (Pigskin Prognosticator, The Grey Bush, Flying Potato, and Shoeless Hillbilly) will pick five lines that we see worthwhile to bet. All lines must be posted before the start of the first game they are betting on and will be based on Pinnacle sports book. We are banning all games involving 1-AA teams. WVU games are a mandatory sixth pick. I will provide a synopsis back here each week. Feel free to participate by mailing me your odds each week or commenting on the blog and I will try to keep a tally of where you stand as long as you follow the stated rules.
WVU Outlook
There are a lot of doubters out there this year and hell why not? We are coming off two miserable 9 win seasons, so it goes without saying; we are destined to be shit. WVU will be rolling out a true sophomore at QB backed up by two true freshman which without a doubt will have a negative impact at some point during the season, but it is a bit cliché to automatically assume sophomore QB = disaster. In limited time last year, Geno appeared to be a patient game manager while showing small flashes of his potential. The guy didn’t appear to be turnover prone which is your largest question mark w/young QBs. I was a Jarrett Brown supporter, but the fact is that he had a pretty awful senior campaign and I do not think we are regressing here, not to mention Rutgers sophomore QB, Tom Savage, who has 11 starts to his name, is the most veteran QB in the league.
Putting the QB position aside, I will be very disappointed if this is not the most dominant defense we’ve had in years. We have a formidable line backing crew, the same DL with more depth, and from all recaps, a much improved secondary with Garvin impressing in camp and Tandy/Jenkins significantly improving their play at corner. We all know what Sands can do and have read the 3,000 articles on how Bruce Irivin is going to eat children. While excited about BI, I am going to wait a few games to see it for myself.
Once again, our Achilles heel will likely be the offensive line, but with one departure in Selvish Capers (even though was our best lineman), we will have much of the same line. You would have to hope that with competition from the redshirt freshman class and a year of growth that we would see some improvement. Couple that with the incredibly deep running back cradle and a WR corps that if is half as good as advertised, will be the best we’ve seen in a long time. I am not buying into the buzz that Mccartney and Austin will be all world right out of the gates, but you have to think that with them , Noel, and Jock that we are going to see some fireworks. All in all I predict 10-2 losing at LSU and likely Pitt. One could argue that we could lose to USF (outside Daniels what do they have??!! And night game in Morgantown, forget it), Cincy, Rutgers and Uconn, but I feel I could justify us beating LSU or Pitt just as easily. RU and Uconn have to prove it first. We have all seen the hype on Uconn this year, but again, prove it. Its been 15 seasons since we’ve lost to RU and we have never lost to them at home, enough said. Cincy will be tough, but I think we are little better and outside of Pitt’s big names, they have some holes. Essentially, outside of LSU (which has some youth themselves), I think our big games are PITT and Cincy with us splitting those two. 10-2.
Stop by and check out the blog all week. Tell us why we’re idiots and why we shouldn’t type when we are angry and drunk. For those of you attending the tailgate, stop by the new spot in the Chateau Lot where we will kick off at 7:30 as usual. If you're not an early riser, try some of this.
Love Always,
Sleepless in Charleston
No comments:
Post a Comment