We are down to 17 days left before we are all back into the routine of plastering the sides of our stomachs with pepperoni rolls and Bud Light and god it feels good. However, do not fall victim to the euphoria of the football sirens and become lackadaisical; there is still plenty of work to be done by all of us prior to the season. I am a firm believer that if you want your team to work hard, you in turn should be busting your ass through the dog days of summer, thus I ran 5 miles today; not because I wanted to, but how would I feel if we lost to Rutgers due to lack of conditioning? I don't want that voodoo on me.
I am not suggesting that any of you need to follow in my footsteps, I already have plenty of fan support stalking me like Britney Spears or Jed Clampett, but I would like to provide a proper workout regimen for the next 17 days.
1) It is imperative to lubricate the liver. If one attempts to jump into tailgating without proper internal stretching you may find yourself watching Coastal Carolina from Ruby Memorial or even more disastrous, you may just blackout and wake up Sunday afternoon missing all of Saturday's action. Therefore drink at least a 30 rack between now and Friday night.
2) Scrimmage. Begin preparing for the Saturday gameplan this Saturday. We only have two more Saturdays before the real deal folks. It may have been awhile, so you may want to ease into this; start drinking at ten, no alcoholic energy drinks permitted. Dumpster wine is fair substitution for beer after 3pm. Afternoon activities should consist of grilling and watching some form of sports.
3) Rest up on Sunday, because next week is our final prep week. This week drink at least 6 beers per night. Staying up late on Thursday is recommended, but not required. Friday night should be spent in a sports bar. Saturday . . . . . . Get Pants Shitting Drunk. This is where you need to wake up at least by 8, pound some eggs, and start slamming beers. If you pass out by mid evening you know that you are out of shape and have some last minute work to do . . . better have a Sunday Fun day you putz. Seriously what have you been doing all summer? Watching murder she wrote with your girlfriends great Aunt?
4) It is absolutely mandatory to wear blue and gold each day staring Monday. At least twice during the week you should pound a couple beers at work. Dipping while at work is not an appropriate substitution.
5) Thursday is when it all kicks off. Let yourself get crazy, leave work early, slam some cheese dip and curse like an Ethiopian pirate.
If you do not know what to do Friday and Saturday, then stop reading my damn blog.
-Shoeless
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