The Diaper Bag

FP, I am writing to you anonymously, due to my unbearable shame. Every team I have ever had comes up short on expectations. I don't get it. I recruit as well as anyone in the country, place players in the NFL, which I know quite a bit about BTW, and I think people like me. I tried to do the right thing by scheduling tough opponents this, but even that blew up in my face. I've found myself walking around town in a daze trying to figure out how to change my bad luck and I've even thought of shaving my, errrr I mean changing parts of my identity so people don't recognize me. What you suggest for a struggling coach like me? - Sleepless in Pittsburgh

First and foremost nobody likes you, they like your mustache and if you were to shave you could just kiss any career you hoped of having goodbye. Now as far as the high expectations I think you could start by looking past them and realizing you suck and your team folds like a lawn chair. Let’s face it your QB’s name is Tino….Tino, really? How do you expect to win with a guy names Tino. Now a name that rhymes with that is Geno and he is a winner and probably 10 times more athletic but he plays for WVU. So my suggestion is recruit QB’s that don’t sound like an extra in a River Dance production. As for the rest of the season I don’t care what you do as long as you loose.

I turned on the WV game saterday whilse driving round the woods in the ole Datsun. Figured me and the mys best coon dog rumpus could do some dat maltie tasking whilse hearing the game on the radio and come up with some supper. Was fresh out Milk Steak and mommas stories were on the teevee anyway. Now, I got so damn frubbergusted hearing that damn racket I coudnt catch me possum if i was hanging upside down in a beechnut tree! I nose that Devine feller is faster than a jack rabbit in matin season, so we must got a bunch of damn gooks down in trenchs pussing footing round. What in the name of Dale Jr is going to take to get that darned offensive line to block better than the choir ladies down to the baptist church? I tells ya, Id sure whoop up into shape If was working with em. - shoeless

Alright Shoeless lets not go getting our overalls in a bunch and maybe give some credit to the choir ladies at the Baptist church they were rating the #1 offensive line in the Baptist Church Football League 3 years ago. Now on to our offensive line I answered a question about this last week and apparently we were doing the wrong arts and crafts in the offseason. It was the first week and that shouldn’t be an excuse but I think that we should be ok and I expect Devine to have another 100+ yard rushing performance.

Dear good sir, in the wake of another stellar victory against college football's establishment, I would kindly like you to retract your ill-willed statements of days prior towards the fine institution of Boise State. Your cynicism of the little guy has blinded you to the true hidden gem of the west. Remember that it is the average Joe that makes America such a beautiful place to live. As a true Maverick, Sarah Palin, once said: "The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel' so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil." When are we going do away with evil speculation of the BCS that simply empowers the rich to get richer and leaves Middle America behind? Go Broncos! - IdahoPotato

Yeah I figured you’d be back Potatoe. Ok I’ll give you props you beat a probably overrated VT team but you also did so in what might as well have been a home game for VT but with more fans. And for the record what do you people do in Boise because some of your fans don’t know who Rick Flair is which is just absolutely mind-blowing seeing that these fans were roughly 23-30 years old men. Another thing you guys need to come up with some kind of cheer besides chanting “Boise State” which is pretty lame. As for the BCS I hope they continue to not let you in the national championship but I think everyone would love to see a playoff but that means you wont have all year to game plan for one BCS opponent. A few final thoughts: I still think your team is annoying and I hate the blue turf, and I also have a quote from Matt Chambers “the good thing about Idaho is there is a good looking girl behind every tree…problem is there isn’t any trees.”

Hey, how about that thrilling loss in Manhattan this week? I bet you cock suckers love losing to North Dakota State don't ya? I'm sure you all would love to have me back kicking the shit out those rat bastards from hood now. Hahahhaaha, you are all terrible people and I hope you live diseased lives while I refocus my life on dominating KFC joints all across the universe. Bitches! - Jabba The Hut Mangino, A galaxy far far away

Oh shit if it isn’t one of the most feared buffet eaters in all the land. I bet you almost had a heart attack when you saw that score, then again I’m sure you almost have a heart attack when you do anything….you have to be a ticking time bomb. If your going to loose to a 1-AA team, at least score 48 points like Ole’ Miss (Side note all of Jacksonville States ipod’s and laptops were stolen during the game). And I’m sure Kansas would love to have you back as a motivational speaker if nothing else. I hope that in your travels you still wear that bad ass velour track suit, the best part was it doubled as a weather balloon.